My Playlist

Listed below are songs that make me cry. They make me cry for different reasons - some of them are just sad, others spark jealousy (like In the Backseat. It's about her mother dying.), others purely suck and draw tears from my eyes, another is so long I can't help but cry. But the song Mother, I feel that guy's pain. I feel like we identify with each other and I just want to meet him so we can hold each other and weep bitterly. I think there is a good chance we would actually fall in love and utilize caller ID, screening both our mothers' (the worst mothers in the world) phone calls as we feed each other chocolate covered strawberries and sip delicious sparkling beverages. I bet he would even bring me some non-dead flowers once in a while.

Will I ever find true love? Could a man so wonderful accept this legless woman with the waffle iron prints burned into her hands? Is there such a person who could take on my 12 offspring?

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is the man of my dreams. Someone who won't impregnate me as many times as humanly possible. Someone who doesn't change jobs 30 times a year. Someone who can afford to move far far away and give me better vacations than my coma. Someone whose favorite passtime isn't counting my stretch marks. I would even settle on someone who can afford Caller ID.

I don't need jewelry. I don't need a big screen TV. Or a Tivo. I just want to be loved.

Sincerely,
Sarah Bird-Butts