I'm running out of tricks and I think my doctors have caught on. I tried drinking some more rancid egg nog my mother (the worst mother in the world) brought me. I vomited into one of those pointless kidney shaped vomit catchers (whatever they're called) that only hold enough vomit for Barbie and maybe a few of her friends (I wish I had friends).
I'm being sent home tomorrow.
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I hate you, tomorrow! You're only a day away! And I've run out of fake illnesses and must go home to my family so they can try to kill me some more!
I do actually have a bad stomach ache that keeps coming and going, but no one believes me. I have a few more things to add to my Christmas list.
New legs
Shorts (no point wearing long pants with no legs)
Legs (which would create a necessity for pants)
Pants (only if I get the legs)
Mommy Dearest on DVD
Any edible foods (by edible, I mean you can actually chew it, swallow it, and keep it down)
A pill case with a lock on it
Gloves (to cover my unsightly waffle iron burns)
Pepto Bismol
Anything that will distract my 12 offspring from wanting to hurt me for fun
That's all I can think of for now. I have to attempt sleep now. It takes a couple hours to make that happen while my roommate is screaming non-stop. I'm told there is a big surprise waiting for me at home. That can't be good. If I could just contract a serious illness by tomorrow morning ......
No comments:
Post a Comment