I faked a huge melanoma with a Sharpie (had to draw it somewhere they hadn't seen yet) and a cardiac arrest. I grabbed my chest, screamed like my roommate, and pretended to go unconscious. If I could just stay here through Christmas and New Year's, it would be bliss!
My third problem I didn't have to fake. The doctor gave me Penicillin (totally allergic to it) and lots of it. Within minutes I looked like this:
The difference was, I didn't look as male, African American, or stinking rich. Also, I have two fewer legs than Will Smith. He looks like he's saying, "OH MY GOSH I'M GONNA THROW-UP! LOOK HOW UGLY I AM! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! HIDE ME BEFORE JADA SERVES ME WITH DIVORCE PAPERS!!!!"
My mother (the worst mother in the world) took my picture in my swollen state and is using it for her Christmas card. I'm sure her newsletter will be the usual - a libelous biography of my life this year. She'll come out smelling like a rose as usual.
I'm off to plan my next crisis that will keep me here and away from that torture chamber I call my home.
1 comment:
Wow, keep it going girl! You can swallow hospital equipment to make them opperate (more days in)
You can pretend that you can't go to the bathroom (but I'm not sure where you would hid the evidance). Better, instant bladder incompentence, just do it in your body!!!!!
I'm so thrilled you enjoyed your hosptial thanskgiving, without being spiked by your mom. Hang in there. You can do it. God will never give you more than you can handle, it just proves how strong you are that you can handle so much. Me, I'm a weakling, and God knows it. He doesn't give me any trials, my life is seriously so blessed!
Post a Comment